Every loss is a real loss
Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, the death of a newborn, ending a pregnancy for medical reasons. However early or late, and however others react, you have every right to grieve.
After a loss
The short version
- Your grief is real and your baby mattered, however early or late the loss.
- Most losses are not caused by anything you did. It is not your fault.
- You deserve care for your body and support for your grief.
There are no right words, and this page will not pretend to have them. If you have lost a pregnancy or a baby, at any point, your grief is real and your baby mattered. There is no timeline you have to follow and no feeling you are supposed to have. You are still a mother.
What to know
It is not your fault
About half of early miscarriages happen because of chromosome problems that no one could cause or prevent, and most losses are not caused by anything a mother did. Many mothers search for something they did wrong. When you are ready, ask your doctor what is known about your loss.
Your body needs care too
After a later loss, your milk may come in, and bleeding and recovery are real. Ask your provider about comfort for your breasts and about a postpartum checkup. You deserve postpartum care.
Memories, if you want them
Some parents hold their baby, take photos, or keep footprints, a lock of hair, or a hospital bracelet. Some hospitals can arrange free remembrance photography. There is no wrong choice, and you can say no.
Grief comes in waves
Due dates, anniversaries, pregnancy announcements, the baby aisle. Partners often grieve differently. Telling people what you need, like “please say her name” or “please don't bring it up at work,” can help.
You do not have to grieve alone
Groups for bereaved parents, online and in person, are full of people who understand. Many mothers call them a lifeline.
From the experts
These go straight to the source.When to call someone
Call your doctor if you have heavy bleeding (soaking a pad an hour), a fever, or severe pain after a loss. Grief can tip into depression. If you cannot function, or have thoughts of not wanting to live, call or text 988 any hour, or call 911.
Keep going
Help near you
All help near you →Postpartum Support International HelpLineNot a crisis line. Call, or text "Help", leave a message, and a trained volunteer gets back to you, usually the same day. Spanish: press 1, or text 971-203-7773. Free online groups and a provider directory too.
Near Flagstaff, ArizonaHand-checked local listings for Coconino CountyWhen you are ready, and only then.